The Value of a Great Dad

I grew up convinced that my father knew everything. As a young child just learning to add, I would give him what I called “very hard math” to do, asking him to add up all the numbers from 1 to 10. I still wonder how he managed to keep a straight face at my amazement at his mathematical abilities, considering his engineering background. As my questions became more complex with time, so did his answers, and these displays of knowledge took on new meaning for me. In my mind, if someone who had all the answers to life’s questions believed in me and my abilities, what was stopping me from believing in myself? If he was right about everything else, he must also be right about me being able to achieve anything. I once asked “Daddy, if I ever wrote a book, would you buy one?”. He didn’t laugh or ask what on earth I would write about, but immediately said “I would buy the first one”.  Those simple words meant the world to me.

A father’s particular brand of parenting is often overlooked and highly underrated. When conducting research for his book on fatherhood, author Paul Raeburn noted that about half of all research on child psychology did not even mention a father’s input or perspective. However, fathers have a lot to offer their children beyond a paycheck and strict discipline. Research shows that children with loving and attentive fathers have better self-esteem and a more positive view of the world. Spending time with Dad also increases empathy, an effect that lasts into adulthood (surprisingly, spending time with Mom had a much lower influence on this). Additionally, though depression in mothers negatively affects child development, having a sensitive, caring father significantly reduces these effects on a child.

As with mothers, fatherhood is also marked by biological changes.  There are measurable differences in the brains of fathers when compared to non-fathers, and fathers display strong brain activity when they hear their children cry. Fatherhood is also marked by a reduction in testosterone and an increase in prolactin and oxytocin. However, there is a catch: Unlike in mothers where these hormonal changes occur naturally during and after pregnancy, in men these changes only happen when fathers take an active part in childcare. This means that for men, close interaction with their children, starting as early as possible, is critical to a strong father-child bond. It may seem unfair that mothers have a biological head start, but considering the importance of a great dad, the efforts invested into this relationship are definitely worth it.

I haven’t written that book yet, but I did give my father a copy of my thesis when he visited for my graduation. I later saw him carefully place it in his hand luggage with all his other valuables, and in that moment, I had arrived.

Happy Fathers’ Day to all fathers and father figures out there, to my husband, who is everything from story-teller to princess to horsie, and whose congratulatory high fives already make his girls beam with pride, to my brother, who is hands down the best diaper changer I know, and  to my Daddy, who taught me that my best was always good enough. Your confidence in me still gives me courage to take on the world.

My Daddy and Me                                                                              My Girls and their Daddy