The Mystery of Memory

On Mother’s Day, I found myself making rice crispy treats for the first time. After catching my youngest licking the butter and rescuing the marshmallows from her sisters, I wondered once again why I allow myself to get sucked into these projects.  To be honest, though, I actually enjoy random frivolous projects with my girls. I think they make the best memories.

I have a childhood memory of my mother making lemon icing for some cookies she had just baked. The icing was a complete failure. I coated my cookies with that delicious mess as we laughed at her effort. Most of the things that my mother has done for me are much more important than making icing for cookies. Yet I remember this time when she went out of her way for something that was completely unnecessary.

I often wonder why we remember some events and forget others. The happenings of our early childhood seem to be particularly forgettable. However, researchers who study the brain describe childhood memories as a paradox: Though we may not remember the events of our earliest years, the feelings that come along with those events can last for a lifetime. Recent research suggests that our early childhood memories do not completely disappear as we grow up. Even though we may not remember any details, we continue to carry traces of these experiences in our brains for our whole lives. These traces of memories can impact our behavior later in life. Exactly how this happens is unclear, but researchers are starting to show that negative childhood experiences can actually affect the structure of our brain.

We don’t often pick what we remember about others. We certainly don’t pick what others remember about us. By filling their childhood with as many good moments as I can, I hope that my girls always remember how much they are loved.